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Long time never talk on phone for such a long hour. I thought long-distance calling by phone is going to be disappear on the surface of the earth soon since the advancement of Internet service.

Days before, I found out that I was too emotional. I let the emotional and irrational thinking take place which kind of mess the whole thing out. I am not good, in person at all. Irrationality couldn't solve problems but yet it gives me a lot of worries now. I thought I was success in controlling myself. When crisis happens, catecholamine overrides my head. The adrenal gland is stimulated, overstimulated. I thought I was cool and calm. Even when someone seeking for treatment in O&G clinic, telling about their condition after SI, expressing dyspareunia, I maintained the same expression-cool, was reacting very professionally while standing beside doctor. I thought that's improvement. And now, I realise that the past has not make me learn enough. I have more to discover, realise and LEARN. Things that not yet learn up, it would be possibly for the occurence of repeating the same mistakes. Just to make sure we learn up and transform into a better individual.

Well, it's my random posting. Feel like blogging and blah out whatever stick in mind. I need to clear up some space in my brain so that I can use those spare space to install my academic inputs. This is for me to rationalise the emotion, or justify my behaviours ?! Even this simple thing, I am in doubt.

I heard that I have changed a lot. Those comments are from people that doesn't with me throughout the transition. When people tell that "you have changed", directly you will catch it, you will understand is it a positive or a negative one, for THEM. In my case, i sense that's a negative one.

How should I not feel sad and disappointed? It's an unfair statement.

I have been facing new life, new challenges with a group of new people in my life. They, don't know much about me, the behindtheiceberg part. If I could, I want to open a story-telling theathre. It's gonna be like a Broadway show. I want to be proud of myself. As long as I don't do stupid thing, I am proud of myself.

Because all this while, I met with rejection, hatred, jealousy, ego, silly, misunderstanding, collapses, abyss, mountains and traps...... All these, defining moments refine me and define who I am now. Maybe this sounds a bit nauseous to some of you, but nevermind. That simply mean I am not yet ready, not yet done. A rock need to be refined and moulded before the diamond glares with its value; a piece of canvass need to be painted and painted before it is known as a masterpiece of her creator.

Crisis.Mature.Experience

I remember I had a hard time choosing between home or stay back in hostel. But it's great because I had crab to eat on Saturday night, I had apom balik too. 35 cents each, that's call cheap and it's a reason why Alor Star is good, sometimes. Had steambot on Sunday.

Everything was normal, just some BIG surprise was awaiting me to receive and I don't even know that "this is the day." I will remember every detail of the memory, every bits and moments. It's meant to be good and memorable and I should be growing more mature after the storm and thunder, avalanche, tsunami etc. slowly fade away. Truth is always sharp and hurts a lot. But that's part of life. Life-long learning takes place in every situation, every relationship and everyday. Years ago, my friend said God can create any situation to make sure we build our characters right.

Yesterday (26/10) I faced a crisis that would possibly collapse me. I learnt a lot of things, I realise more about myself and the other person. That tells me L-I-F-E and L-O-V-E.

*phew* I found out lil thing about me. I am like a werewolf. I am extremely rational during daytime and turn emotional at night! I was always like this since secondary school time. But I never could find a word to describe myself correctly. I hate the emo part of me. Emo me is irritating and annoying.

This coming wednesday till saturday I am having Terminal Exam. I am damn stress and sad. First time I feel helpless with my stack of notes, piles of books. Some moment I feel like giving up chasing and pulling up my CGPA. 3.94... How can I waste it? I wanted to sustain 3.9 for this 2nd year study. But now... I got pain in me.

God, God, I know you are faithful. You will alleviate me from all wounds and pains. It's a stir in my life. I have stop learning new lesson for some time and now, this is the time. (It's 8:18 pm now, surprisingly I am still sounding RATIONAL!) God, God...it's complicated. I need your hands upon me to release me. Be with me, to guide my way ahead.

Joshua 1:5 I will never leave you nor forsake you.
You said so, and I put my faith in you. I count on you, God!


**p/s: mul oi, where r u? y so susah to find for u when I need u?pls msg me after u read tis***

It's encouraging

It's from adevotion.org which I subscribed and it sends mail daily for devotion. Today's topic is very fit for my need.

"The Holy Spirit will teach You"

(Gosh, I hate Window Mail because I couldn't highlight and copy the articles to paste it here.)
John 14:26 NASB
26 "But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send
in My name, He will teach you all things, and bring to your
remembrance all that I said to you.

What a wonderful, patient teacher the Holy Spirit is!

This teacher has no limits. He never has to call on anyone else
for an answer. He knows everything.

Whatever you are doing, He can help you -- and teach you how to
do it better. Just ask.

Jesus said it, "He will teach you all things."

I love the story of George Washington Carver, who asked God to
teach him about the peanut -- then changed our world with the
knowledge he gained of the peanut.

Do not hesitate to ask God to teach you about even the smallest
things. He understands every detail and is never too busy for
you.

From child raising to atomic science -- He is the most
knowledgable and capable teacher.

And the Holy Spirit is always available! No need to wait for
office hours to call on this professor. Call on Him anytime.

SAY THIS: The Holy Spirit is teaching me.

(Ok, I managed to copy&paste after I click on Print. Too bad if I got to retype the whole good thing.)

Hmmm, I need help. Helps. A lot. I am helpless with my own stuffs that bother me a lot. I am always surrounded by a lot of works. I am always given a datelines. Who like datelines by the way? Study- I still have a long way to go, high piles of notes and books to read through. A lot of medical conditions to revise, its management, significant problems/ manifestations and nursing interventions, health education and blah blah so on... And I am planning to go home this weekend, coming back on Monday. Wednesday starts exam already. But... What about the notes?

Definitely I need help. And supports and prayers from dear all. Yes, Holy Spirit can teach me, that's soothing to my fatigue soul, comforting to my weary body. Most importantly, I know I don't need to verbalise much and Holy Spirit can understand. Holy Spirit would pray for me.

"Work hard, honey!"

I thought I am too busy to blog

But now I ended up doing so.

I have nothing much to talk about 'cause I think I have not much time to study anymore, revision week got to do presentation (and I haven't complete my part yet)... Well, I spent a lot too... RM 20 for the class tee that's ready to pick-up but yet no money to claim'em back home. RM 26 for the bus fare that is bringing whole class to Perlis- Gua Kelam and Padang Besar (shopping!) on this 2nd of November. Padang Besar right, my friend said I can buy a lot of soft toys with very low price. So, I'm planning to get an EVA and WALL-E for myself. A piggy for my sis, Wen. Anyone wants anything? *giggle* Oh ya, I hope I can borrow from my father his LUMIX camera.

Nah, my teacher suggested to go to visit Paddy Museum and maybe Pekan Rabu ( like what seniors did). Pekan Rabu- so unbelievable. A tour to that place. I am from there, man. I understand it may be good for other people to visit that market. But since I'm from there (or I stay near there), I despise that place for being too air-polluted (bus station) and etc. I have never been to that place, never went in to the market either. Reason is my parents never bring me there. I only pass by when I was dropped down by the bus, coming back from Png. Or I went to that town area.

I hate to do slideshow presentation. I would be extremely high in spirit if anyone would offer me help by doing PowerPoint presentation and then the presenting part I can do it on my own. To put in simple word, I don't work well with Microsoft. Nah~ I most love to do with my PC is online and blog and store files&folders! Listening to songs- YES. Chatting-YES. Read blogs, surfing on WWW-YES YES...

To crap more, waste more time here, I am announcing that my flight ticket for Sarawak trip are all booked through Air Asia. When? *chuckle* June 09! I know it's still faraway. As I said to my friends, to pour cold water on them, extinguishing their flaming hot enthusiastic spirit over the fun trip, countdown the trip by 1 (coming) Terminal Exam and practical exam, 1 vacation leave for year-end, 1 Test I, 1 Test II and another Terminal Exam and another practical exam, a research study...and so on... My point is, It's still so far away. We book early so to get low fares and low budget HENS trip. Hens- because all of us are just girls travelling across Straits of Melacca and South China Sea. (I am too excited sometimes, I need some cold water to cool down. I am HOTTTTTTTT *ouch*) (Ok, it's just a joke to make your day (/ night)!)

Another help you can render is, please tell me how to get rid of overloading wardrobe. I need more money and also more space for new ones to move in! WAHAHA^^^ Any suggestion besides donating them away, please kindly inform the blog owner.

Adorable

This is face when hungry.
It's so cuddly. A 9-pounder! very handsome!
Natural instinct-sucking reflex.
I wish I have my baby book also!
This is what (may) happen when your boy grows up.
They are newborns. They are little boys and girls that signify the beauty of creation and probably that make you to think that world is without sin (from the very beginning). I have met a lot of old people that bed-ridden by the sickness and age. I have seen how toddlers can turn into when they are not cooperating with you, not loving you enough. It's manifestation of life. Beside all the dogs and cats, flowers and vegetables and whatsoever that you are seeing everyday.

I couldn't feel the emotions and feelings as a woman that was just announced by the doctor, that inside you is a baby. And while he said so, he points to the ultrasound screen, saying
"see, this is the heart beating of the baby..."

Or imagine this.

After many hours of pain, you (a man) heard your wife screaming, seen her in labour pain. And then, doctor came to you and said,
"Congrats, you are a father now!" and doctor shakes your hand, and hold it firmly.
That grip is very tight and it's so pain that it tells you that you are not dreaming.

Seriously, you can see a beating heart when you (woman) do an ultrasound at early pregnancy. Heart and brain are organs that are developing at early age of life while in utero.

Actually I am not sure what am I going to do or happen if I was found to be wrong if someone sue me over the picture's patency. But it's an attachment of my heartfelt words.

Throughout my lessons in class and postings to Paediatric's ward, O & G ward, labour room and nursery, I think a lot. About my future. My life, how is it going to be. How I am going to get to myself there... and so on. Besides I had learnt a lot.

Funny thing was, there was an ah ma who gave us (young ladies) piece of advice on choosing life-long partner.

As far as I am concern, I am sure that I have not chose a wrong path since 2005 that I wanted to take up this course, and this profession as my career. Doesn't matter if it's not a lifelong career. But I'm grateful that God had brought me to this stage.

*(ok, I am emotionally sensitive now!) XD

Well, dealing with kids and babies, a lot of laughters and tears (inside me). Their sharp cries kept ringing into my ears even when I had left the place and came back to my hostel. Oh my... And not only me. I have asked. A lot of my friends have this similar experience. Imagine it's feeding time, almost. And they can't be settled by merely cuddling and wrapping + warming. And just, I said JUST 4 babies crying at once. You know God creat that the younger you are, the louder you cry. Never underestimate a newborn's cries. It's sharp and pierce into your brain!
So, I ask you. Imagine 2 newborns together. Birthday together and some more hungry together!

You would want to cry with them.

To those who are now planning to give up on having babies after reading, I would just say, "Nah, please don't. I know mouth of word is powerful. But mother's love is sweet. Babies' smell is nice. Their poo-poo isn't smelly. It's fun to wrap baby like a cocoon or a caterpillar to keep them warm, prevent from hypothermia. People, never think of not getting married or having babies. Just wait until your time. Just like me."

I am 20 and I am not married yet. But out there, there're mothers who had not only married but had bear kids, pregnant...blah blah blah.... Well, whatsoever. Theoretically, 23-25 is best age to be mother as the system is fully matured. Mentally, physically, emotionally prepared also. BANK account also can be harvested already.

Haha. I talk too much again. I am emotional. I am oversensitized!
*giggle* love you, everyone.

Sushi makes my day

Cooked scallops.
Oh ya ya,a peek of a piece of nice temaki I mentioned below. There it is on the red plate.
a nice photo.


Always.
But nowadays having sushi in some XXXXI KXXX restaurant is less happy. Best reasons are:
-I found better places for Jap food.
-Better place with good taste, good portion, great varieties and in DAMN good price.
-After going to those good places, you won't downgrade your taste anymore.
-Customer service is ruining our appetites.
But this place has good offer once every 3-4 months. Then eat till you drop (your wallets). Interesting thing you can do is, eat all those nigiris served in red or purple plates. More worth. The best time you go is before 5 p.m like this, or else O.L and some school children would flock in, and you got to wait in long queue.
Well, I still appreciate my first encounter with sushi in this place. Last time I was still in secondary school and now I'm paying for my own meals already, discovered more and more places to eat.
Yesterday's experience had not much differences with the other time ones. There're always short of my favourite nigiris on the belt. A lot were blueplateRM2 temaki. We are always so keen to tempura prawns, scallop, baby octopus, grilled eel nigiri-s...... And we managed to tried all these because we were truly patient in waiting. We dined in from 4 till 7 p.m. *chuckle* We even had time taking photos at the end of the meal.
I didn't take much photos about food this time. Initially I thought those were a little bit too common and ordinary. So, what for. I tried a nice temaki. With sliced grilled eel on top.
I heard from my friends who commented on the waiters and service. They were quite rude with my friends and from his speaking tone, sounds sarcastic as well. *sigh* Well, I'm not sure is it considered OK or not, the waiter spilt the green tea on my place while refilling my cup. I thought he was in a rush. But then he never apologise nor bring me serviettes or clean for me......

I know that it's difficult to fulfill customers' needs while keeping up with the hectic operation of a business. But why some high class restaurants they can provide good customer service? They are busy. They are not too free to shoo the flies.Snap photos when we were too full to leave. XD

**I was trying to edit my photos but I daren't install Flash Player (downloaded) when my PC is not protected with any Anti-virus programme yet.

Personality Test

Cecilia Ho,

Your personality is Phlegmatic Sanguine

Melancholy Strength:2 Weakness:7

23%

Phlegmatic Strength:9 Weakness:7

40%

Sanguine Strength:7 Weakness:3

25%

Choleric Strength:2 Weakness:3

13%

Strengths of a Phlegmatic
The Introvert | The Watcher | The Pessimist (like the word WATCHER)

The Phlegmatic's Emotions

• Low-key personality
• Easygoing and relaxed
• Calm, cool and collected (yes, calm and cool I'm)
  
• Patient well balanced
• Consistent life
• Quiet but witty ( Diam ubi berisi)
  
• Sympathetic and kind
• Keeps emotions hidden (quite true)
  
• Happily reconciled to life
• All-purpose person

The Phlegmatic As A Parent

• Makes a good parent
• Takes time for the children
• Is not in a hurry
• Can take the good with the bad (that's good)
  
• Doesn't get upset easily

The Phlegmatic At Work

• Competent and steady
• Peaceful and agreeable
• Has administrative ability (Waseh, manager and director post)
  
• Mediates problems
• Avoids conflicts
• Good under pressure (can survive. cool mah~)
  
• Finds the easy way (easy way out, don't make things complicated)
  

The Phlegmatic As a Friend

• Easy to get along with (so, talk to me first.)
  
• Pleasant and enjoyable
• Inoffensive
• Good listener
• Dry sense of humor ( I am not a good source of funniest jokes)
  
• Enjoys watching people ( we can always use EYES to learn from others...)
  
• Has many friends
• Has compassion and concern

Strengths of a Sanguine

The Extrovert | The Talker | The Optimist (it seems like my personality is so contradicting each other.intro yet extro; watch yet talk; pessi yet optimistic. I think this is a kind of BALANCE!)

The Sanguine's Emotions

• Appealing personality *ahem*
  
• Talkative, Storyteller (what do you all think?)
  
• Life of the Party (does this mean I am some sort of party queen? well, in party I think I'm more to intro+watch)
  
• Good sense of humor
• Memory for color (yar yar!!)
  
• Physically holds on to listener
• Emotional and demonstrative
• Enthusiastic and expressive (especially in sad movies and horror ones)
  
• Cheerful and bubbling over
  
• Curious
• Good on stage (definitely wrong. but if I got to do presentation, I have to force myself to the extreme)
  
• Wide-eyed and innocent ( I think I know a lot of things lar...not that lil girl)
  
• Lives in the present (sure. that's why I don't dream of driving sport car yet. I dream of rewarded for being study hard. this is a true-me)
  
• Changeable disposition
• Sincere at heart
• Always a child (I don't want. I want to be a lady)
  

The Sanguine As A Parent

• Makes Home Fun
• Is liked by children's friends ( My sisters' friends like me!)
  
• Turns disaster into humor
• Is the circus master (WALAO~~)
  

The Sanguine At Work

• Volunteers for Jobs
• thinks up new activities ( I'm doubtful about it)
  
• Looks great on the Surface ( Peeps, means what?)
  
• Creative and colorful
• Has energy and enthusiasm
• Starts in a flashy way
• Inspires others to join ( SOunds influential)
  
• charms others to work

The Sanguine As a Friend

• Makes friends easily ( No lah, I'm introvert lar)
  
• Loves People
• Thrives on compliments ( Well, I can say is compliments can be encouragements!)
  
• Seems exciting
• envied by others ( For what? nothing great)
  
• Doesn't hold grudges
• apologizes quickly
• Prevents dull moments (turns disaster into humor?!)
  
• Likes spontaneous activities ( Nah...)
  

Ok, this is truly amusing and hilarious. I feel like I am so balance. Both Phleg and Sanguine are extreme, each on either side. Well, who can accept me as a Sanguine/ see the Sanguine-ness in me, please drop me a comment, let me know. I would be delightful to find out myself more from other points of view. Definitely a fresh thing to do. It was a surprise to find myself being related with the word Sanguine. I have friends that are truly Sanguine-ese!
Respond, respond people! Be enthusiastic on your keyboard. Start typing now and don't just sit and be a "watcher" only. Try it and share it too. XD