emo writing...

A very good morning, to myself as I’m writing this (offline) at 0924 18/10/07
I just came back from a MSQH Accreditation Awareness talk by Dr. Loke, a very handsome, hilarious speaker. In fact I saw he went to the ward at night, wearing t-shirt, to see his patient(s). To those people who are studying Medicine, or being a houseman now, make sure you can sacrifice your time to do so even in the middle of the night. Got one time, I saw one doctor wear a ¾ pants went back to ward to see patient. Initially, I thought what happened to THAT UNCLE, wondering whether patient’s relative, wanting to complain anything… to my shock… *giggle*
Well, I’m not sure what my title should be, haven’t have any idea. Just typing/ writing for the sake of ‘Feeling-want-to’.
Last night, someone sent me a very sweet piece of text. I saw it this morning as I have slept that time.
“Dear Shan, I believe that God made me meet you back after 3 years is certainly for a very good reason, especially when He give me such a strong CHEMICAL REACTION (must be helium + H2O!!!) towards you. No matter how you think we are very different, I’m not going to give up ‘cause you gave me the license not to give up. I’ll give you the encouragement and confirmation that you need towards our current state.”
First of all, I wrote it here because I want this message to be kept fresh and remembered (by me)! Second of all, well, to let the sender know that he is much appreciated by me, currently as a friend, regardless what relationship would be in future. This particular sender will remain anonymous until…

I always ask myself, am I suitable for BGR? Am I mature enough? I mean, even when I’m 40, I would still ask this, am I mature? Not of age, but in terms of attitude of mind. However, just cross your fingers that people will change as the years go by, mind will be changed, and characters will be shaped and renewed. As the old saying goes, the unchanged fact of life is people are ever changing. Am I in love? I’m not sure. I’m just having the feeling, but I don’t have the impulse, the aggressiveness to leave my singleness. Being single is really enjoy as it’s so care-free, so COOL, relax, and you can be self-centered in your life ‘cause your decisions, your behaviours, your life, your way of life, styles, fashion senses, eating habit( and etc.) are not bonded to anyone else’s emotions. But, then, we are all gifted with the feeling of love and being loved. We love and being loved as well. ‘Papa, mummy love me, and I love them too…’
I have so many worries in me. As years go by, as I’m turning 20 next year (sad case), I learn to think more, further, deeper and critical. Chronic problems are much more difficult to handle. Worries, often due to lack of confidence, to myself, to God (in this type of BGR thing) and to the so-called Chosen one…
When I talked with my ex, I found that last time all those feelings are so simple, come on, basically we didn’t worry a lot, besides trying to go out together, go where to play, worry what to give at certain days…that’s it. 16 is the sweetest moment, when everything seems so BEAUTIFUL, which people call form-4 a honeymoon year. (No wonder I’m so regret ‘cause I didn’t try my best to study harder, even in form-3!!!!)
When someone said I’m how good, how great, blah-blah-blah, I usually don’t believe because I know who am I. Hey, c’mon, I’m materialistic, ok? But the best part is, I don’t rely on guys like some other girls do, to get what I want. I get what I want which are within my capability. I don’t dream of having a car when I only getting RM 550/ month. I normally spend money on shopping and hang out with friends, go makan here and there, pay to watch movie at GSC. I’m materialistic, I have a lot of bags/ handbags even I study and seldom go out, I have more than 10 bags here, haven’t count those left at home. Shoes…around 5 pairs here. Clothes, blouses, pants, tees…are uncountable, yet countable if you are free.
*****Dear future-husband, please spare a room for me to keep my things and renovate it into a dressing room for me! I want a ceiling-to-floor cabinet, preferably open-concept or transparent one, with many racks, many compartments…
Ok la, it’s funny, I know. I’m making fun out of my…true-colour! Never mind la, doesn’t matter. Who know, someone will need this to re-evaluate himself (his ‘gut’!) before taking any action. *giggle*
Happy reading~~~ ``(^o^)``