Night

It's 0111 hour now. I'll be working on evening shift. Nevermind, I can sleep late. Too many things flashing in my mind. Complicated emotions gushing in me. The feeling is sadness and regrets... Lots of regrets and buckets of tears...

If I sleep now, later when I wake up, I'll have to face it again. I don't understand why. I have no knowledge in many things.

"God, why am I feeling like this? Please show me an answer..."

Friend:"YOur past is haunting you...You need to overcome it...or else you will never get married......"

I had to find outlet-friends so that I could ventilate my burst-out in safe way. I have to play safe or else I might bring troubles to the subject. I must not do that. I must not. Yea, I must not. I don't want to give in to any chance for entrance of more regrets and sorry.

I couldn't help myself. I guess I'm self-pity. *haha*
I'm tired, yet I don't want my time just fly away while I sleep.
People like to use the word "padan muka" or "serve you right"...
Those are for me now.
Don't say it right to my face. It hurts. I know it by myself.
I need some time to dissolve my emotions. Prayers is a good sorrow-lytic agent.
So good that God is omniscience-the all-knowing one. I have many secrets to tell God but before that I'm sure that He knew.

"One thing I ask of the Lord, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple. For in the day of trouble he will keep me safe in his dwelling;..."
Psalm 27: 4-5

Oh, my. I have no idea since when the bud is not thrown away yet and budding in me.
"